claire should not fulfil makeup tutorial video requests. as evidenced below:
fields of blue
so … some of you may know that i have a bit of a fetish for hair color. and, if you know me, or have been reading this blog for a bit, you’ll also know that i decided to stop dyeing my hair for a year, for my new year’s resolution. it’s been a little challenging, but after 7 months (last time i changed my hair was end of november 2007) i’m finding that it’s not hard for me to stick to the plan. however, this doesn’t stop me from plotting for future colorings. now don’t freak out … i may just end up leavng my hair natural, even when the hair color ban is over. however, i keep seeing people whose hair color i just absolutely love, and it peaks my creative interest. i really have no idea what i’ll do with my hair in 2009, but i saw this one artist on deviantART whose hair i asbolute LOVE, and i may attempt this color in the future.
(image credit VixensPrettyCorpse on deviantART)
it’s such a gorgeous color - i’d probably have to bleach my hair to accomplish that, and get all the yellow tones out of my hair to preserve a true blue shade. which brings me to something else. there’s a model on deviantART who has the coolest shade of white blonde hair, which i’ve never been able to achieve. i was never really interested in having that white of hair until now (but i wouldn’t want to do it unless my hair was longer - i think it would look really silly with my short hair) - it could be fun to try, and if i didn’t like it, i’d stick that blue, or someting else, on top of it.
i have a feeling a few people are going to slap me now …
randomocity
i just noticed a post i made a while back, titled, “a few thoughts for the day”, in which i just made a bunch of random but pertinent statements concerning my day. i rather like that style of post, and so i’m going to do another one!
why must cats produce so much dander that no matter how much you sweep your house, there will little balls of dust and fur on your hardwood floor by the next day?
firefox 3 is a blessing to internet browsers everywhere.
when your hair constantly falls in your face, it begs the question: cute hair or vision? hmmm …..
the universe seems to be conspiring against me holding a recital. *aerial cam view* WHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
chocolate milk flows through my veins.
dipping your fingers into candlewax is fun! you can even make little wax thimbles and give them to all your crafty friends (and then watch them crumble as soon as ay pressure is applied)! (no, i haven’t not gifted my friends with wax thimbles, but i have three of them sitting on my dresser!)
my computer says it’s 93 degrees outside, but when i look out the window, it doesn’t look more than 75.
cats have a good habit of being conveniently in your way … and laying on top of your arm when you’re typing … and sticking their butt in your face! and yet i still love ‘em …
being inside a car presents the driver with an amazing ability to belt without straining the voice, and sounding quite smashing, but this sound is stolen away as soon as the driver exits the vehicle.
how is it possible to know someone for over three or four years, and never, ever see his band perform live until now? *shakes head*
cheerio … that’s all for now. i have a show to attend *wink*
my sister’s science project
i can be a bit of a neat freak sometimes, so i decided to clean the house today (actually, i decided to do that a few days ago, but didn’t have the opportunity until now), and started with the dining room, which is an absolute mess. my sister left a lot of her school crap (yes, i debased myself to the level of calling her belongings “crap”) strewn across the floor and the table. i noticed her lunch box on the floor, and since she graduated a week ago, i figured it didn’t need to be there anymore, so i picked it up and took it into the kitchen. i slowly opened it, and to my horror there was still food inside. i carefully removed a tupperware bowl, in which i found what appeared to be the remains of pesto sauce. i threw away an empty fritos bag, and then i took out a smaller tupperware container that seemed to be leaking some sort of sauce all over the inside of the lunch bag (soy sauce?). i took off the lid, and to my disgust, a whole other world resided in this container. it was rather terrifying! it was a right petri dish, with barely any trace of whatever food lived in there before. instead, some sort of mold had taken over, white and cotton-like. this reminds me something from the show “supernatural”, which my college roommate and one of our mutual friends like to watch. one of the boys in the show had left some take-away in the fridge for too long, and when it was taken out, the other boy said to the culprit that it wasn’t food anymore, that it was darwinism. i’m glad i found that container before it got worse! now i feel kind of wonky in my throat - the thought of inhaling that mold puts me off.
enjoy this newest addition to our family (and now to our garbage - i wasn’t going to even attempt to clean that)
(excuse the bad quality - i took the picture with my cell phone)
phone phobia
*gasp* two entries in one day?! it’s miraculous. i had to make this quick (at least, i’m intending it to be quick - knowing me, it may not be) entry after a youtube user commented on a video i made a couple of months ago. at the time, there was a video chain on youtube, in which a user would be tagged, and then would make a video discussing five things about himself. i was eventually tagged, and made the following video:
in the video, one of the facts i revealed about myself is that i am afraid of phones. more specifically, i am afraid of talking on the phone. i fear receiving calls from people i don’t know, and in many cases even from people i do know. i fear making the same calls even more. the only people who do not cause me anxiety EVER when making a call are my mom and boyfriend, followed by my dad and my sister. outside of them, i experience varying levels of anxiety when interacting with individuals on the phone. i just figured i was silly, but the person who commented on my video cited a definition provided on a website, and when i searched “phone phobia” i found the site he used, as well as other cites with people discussing their own phone phobias. i do not completely fit the description of a person experiencing phone phobia, so i will say that i have a mild case, but it does impair me in my everyday life, especially in business related matters. i was somewhat surprised to see that there are even websites offering solutions to this phobia, such as hypnosis (although, why should i be surprised? there are so many companies out there trying to capitalize on every single little problem imaginable).
i don’t know how much to trust this website, but even though it may not be an authoritative source, i am convinced that phone phobia is a real problem, and most likely can be defined as follows (from wiki.hypertwins.org):
Phone-phobia (alternate keywords: phonephobia, telephobia), is a psychological condition in which one experiences extreme fear or avoidance of using the telephone. The fear may be more intense with regard to either making or receiving phone calls; in the latter case, it can intensify to the point where the phone-phobic is afraid even to listen to voice-mail (answering machine) messages.
The website poses the following as possible reasons for the phobia: fear of confrontation, fear of ridicule, fear of miscommunication (being misunderstood, misunderstanding the other person, forgetting what you wanted to convey, and forgetting what was said), and fear of irreversibly prejudicing someone based on the sound of their voice. From what I can tell, my fear of talking on the phone stems mostly from the first two, and somewhat from the third. I’ve found that my fear occurs most often when having to speak with a business or organization. When I am asked my my parents to call someone, I often will suddenly get hot, feel extremely claustrophobic and uncomfortable, am overcome with a feeling of dread/doom, and if the request persists I usually get upset, usually through crying for no reason, and often uncontrollably. I even avoid making simple phone calls like ordering pizza, and will often pass that job on to someone else if possible. My mom is afraid that I won’t call the hospital if I am experiencing a serious medical emergency.
I don’t really have a reason for why I am so afraid of the phone. Seeing the phone itself does not cause me anxiety; the potential situation of having to talk on it does. I have been this way ever since I was a kid. I think it is a trait that has carried over from the days when I was extremely shy (something most people won’t believe, as I am usually very loud and extroverted). I have been known to even be afraid of calling my own grandparents at times, and other extended family members, even some of my own friends.
This is something that has been in my mind recently because the use of the phone is becoming more of a need in my life, due to my career path. As a singer, I need to start networking, and much of this has to be done by calling churches and other organizations to get jobs. I have the numbers written down, I just can’t bring myself to call them. I’m trying to come up with every alternative in my mind, but I know that ultimately the phone calls will have to be made. I’ve gotten by with email for the past few years for most of my personal and work related communications, but so many people rely on the telephone. I am also pursuing a minor in Communications at my college, and will be doing Communications work there as well. This will also require phone calls, but I am not worried about that so much - I’m starting to get used to making phone calls on behalf of someone else in a work environment. However, the music networking calls are definitely going to be an issue that I’m going to have to sort out.
that’s all on that subject for now, but please contribute your thoughts.
two things before i finish this - first, this definitely was not a quick blog, and second, notice how i started out in my usual all-lowercase style, then morphed into professional typing, and now i am back again in my lowercase style. tsk tsk.
the condition of a singer
i’ve always felt just a little strange practicing when my family is around. i really don’t know what it is - i love performing, but somehow, when they’re around, i feel completely inhibited, and practicing becomes difficult. not just ordinary, everyday singing, mind you - i can let go about 75% in the car, and singing to cds in my room, but as soon as i settle down with the intention of doing my exercises, and improving my repertoire, it all falls apart.
fast forward to today. certain circumstances have afforded me the opportunity to have a large space to myself for the next couple of days, and singing in here is a phenomenal experience. the sound aboslutely rings off of the high ceilings, and most importantly, i’m all my myself, so i can sing to my heart’s content. exercise after exercise, melisma after melisma - just let the songs reverberate throughout the house. so wonderful. it’s moment like this when i’m reminded of why i am who i am … a singer.
i’ll have to take advantage of this oppotunity, and practice much this weekend. after that, well, i suppose i’ll have to get over my awkwardness regarding practicing with my family in the house. i’ve made so many strides with my singing; maybe this is just another hump to get over in my journey.
speaking of which - if you’re reading this and need a messiah soloist, or know someone who does, there’s an alto sitting here who would love a gig. 
*many hugs*
the trials of summer
almost one month into my summer vacation, it is finally solidified that i am going to, for the first time, really live the life of a starving student (minus the starving part). during the school year, my life is comfortable - i have a dorm room, classes, work, and rehearsals to keep me occupied, friends to grow with, and a modest income from my on-campus job to make the occasional purchase and enjoy a few fun events with my buds.
look at me now. i have been trying to get a summer job for the past few weeks, with no success. starbucks interviewed me, but as much as they loved me they cannot take on a seasonal worker. that seems to be the state of sacramento at the moment - plenty of jobs for teens and college age folks, but not if you’re like me - limited to working only through the end of august. i find myself with a paltry $45.01 in my checking account (and only a couple hundred in my savings, which i shouldn’t touch). what does this mean? i’m stuck here in sacramento all summer because i cannot afford gas. this means that i cannot trek down to san francisco to hang out with my friends (most of my friends are down there), and i cannot have a voice lesson with my teacher extrodianairre (except somehow i am going to scrape together the money to go for one on friday, because i am long overdue, and my school roommie and good friend jaclyn is having a birthday party on saturday, and i don’t want to miss that). i cannot make an excursion down to sf for an audition either. i cannot go out for lunch, or dinner, or see the wonderful array of foreign and indie films playing at the crest (even though it’s only $5.50 for students). i’ll have to to forgo haircuts, and unnecessary purchases (which isn’t the end of the world). somehow i need to make $40.01 last until the end of august (with some supplementary income here and there from odd jobs such as housesitting). true, i have a roof over my head (my parent’s house) and food at home, and for that i am grateful, but it will be a restricted life compared to that i experience during the school year. this is my first summer not working during college, and it is quite unfortunate.
i do have a couple temp possibilities, and i hope and pray those work out, because i really need a little extra monetary aid. once school starts again, i’ll have my on-campus job, and that will get me back into the swing of things, and i plan on applying at starbucks as well. for now i guess i’ll just have to deal.
(if my some magical chance you live in sacramento and want to give me temp work, please drop me a line! i have a resume ready to send)
more in my life - here are some of my recent youtube videos:
and, if you’re interested, here’s a little picture i threw together for my a cappella group,
ä’ kə-pěl’ə
yes, our quartet name is just the phonetic spelling of “a cappella”
best wishes to all *hug*
just another youtube update
some of my videos that you should watch (yes, i said should)
my look for my role as aphra in stephen schwartz’s “children of eden”
a commentary in imagery on the beauty of the human body (watch Blunty3000’s “Nude.” as well - my video is a response)
and some singing 
when souls resonate
as a music student, i often have moments when i doubt my abilities, and my future. one of my teachers made a comment the other day, “sometimes i get so upset at your ignorance of your greatness” (referring to my writing skills). i just sat there and blushed, embarrassed and laughing it off. moments like that are always a nice little ego boost, but overall it still isn’t enough. i’m not always 100% convinced that i have what it takes to make it as a musician, and have a career just as a musician, and not flipping burgers to pay the bills. there’s always a but - “well, i can sing this with straight tone very well, but …” and my hopes begin to waver.
i must be good at deception, because i’ve received feedback from many people who call me “fearless”, “extremely confident”, and “intimidating”, and yet, i am extremely scared. i observe the other singers around me and think, “how can i compete with the likes of them? i’m just a speck of dust in the scheme of things. who am i to think that i could one day be admired as a singer?” maybe i’m just too hard on myself. i suppose i’ve come a long way, considering that only a couple of years ago i didn’t even have the courage to pursue a music career, and was going to major in biology instead. i have josh groban and my high school philosophy classes to thank for giving me a kick in the right direction. i don’t doubt that music is the place for me. however, based on the way i’m viewed in the music department (or the lack?), and what i see around me, there are days that i believe failure to be inevitable. don’t get me wrong - i am not going to give up. i would never forgive myself if i did. i will give my full effort to be the best singer i can be. some days i just don’t know it will be possible.
this brings me to yesterday. i am not going to explain specifics, but i had a conversation with a colleague yesterday that helped me to believe, and KNOW, that i will grow into a phenomenal musician, and that i can have a career as a musician if i work toward that. this colleague, a seasoned professional, and a man whom i greatly respect, admire, and emulate, spoke to me, not with the intention of giving me a pep talk, but just to be honest and frank, and his comments and conviction filled me with a passion and resolve to grow into the young profession that he envisions. it fills me with bliss to know that there is someone invested in my success (with my effort, of course), and who has boundless faith in my abilities, and in me as an artist, especially someone who means so much to me, and has already been through the trek i’m currently taking, and survived quite wonderfully. so, all i can do is say “thank you”, give a hug, and then give my all to make this work.
*hug*
bruised
never run on wet wood. bad things happen.
