Archive for April, 2011


cleopatra

today marks the beginning of the end of a journey i’ve been on for a little over a month. today, cleopatra, caesar and ptolemy take the checkerboard stage to bring my vision to life.

rewind to spring break. we (we being the mfa and senior bfa stufents) had been told at the beginning of the semester that we’d be creating a music festival in which we could make our vision a reality. then began the long process of submitting project proposals, then waiting for approval, and once i was chosen i met with the festival directors and they sent me away to develop my script.

i came back with a re-imagined play-with-music (i hesitate to call it a musical) version of handel’s “giulio cesare.” in my initial proposal, i set out to abridge an opera, and replace the arias with music that had the same intentions, but came from a variety of music eras and genres. i ended up with a script derived mainly from the recitative of the opera, with some of my own thoughts and flair.

the real twist, however, was the change in the plot line. i preserved some of the scenes and cut the rest (along with some characters) to create a performance that focuses on cleopatra rather than caesar. after all, the opera is really driven by cleopatra’s desire for sole power, and her manipulation of caesar and her brother ptolemy in order to get it. and she’s much more badass.

casting was somewhat revolutionary and yet very typical. my friend laura woodruff as cleopatra was an obvious choice. she immediately, to my delight, became cleopatra, from the very first read-through. we (i and the festival directors) decided that caesar should also be played by a woman. caesar is often played by a mezzo-soprano in the opera because the role was originally written for an alto castrato. keeping with that theme, ptolemy, another alto castrato role, would also be a woman, even though he’s often played by a countertenor. heather orth as caesar was another obvious choice. she and laura immediately took to one another – their stage chemistry is fabulous.

ptolemy eluded me for a bit. i asked a couple of girls but they were unavailable. one day, i was sitting in class, and i looked over at angelica kamen and knew that she was my ptolemy. she’s a soprano and pianist new to the department this year. i didn’t know her well, but something told me she was the person meant for the role. she accepted, and she didn’t disappoint.

we also took on ben malkevitch, who plays the piano, and did the english translations of some of the songs. he has been an absolute dream: besides being a talented pianist, he gets his work done in time, has great insight, and he keeps the attitude positive among the cast. he also helped with a couple of needed music changes in a pinch.

the best part of working with this group is they added to the creation and development of the piece. they suggested songs and took initiative on some of the staging. they all really stepped up. they really made the whole process a joy.

after a couple of weeks, we’re opening with the first of two performances tonight. of course, the music gods decided to thwart us with an obstacle: laura fell horribly ill earlier this week. but, because we’re resourceful, we’re still going on, with me singing from the figurative pit. i’ll be reading my way through such gems as “v’adoro pupille” from “giulio cesare,” “coin-operated boy” by the dresden dolls, and “in whatever time we have” from “children of eden.” should be an adventure. we had a run-through earlier today, and i was so impressed by how present laura was in cleopatra’s character, despite being terribly sick.

as caesar sings near the end of the show, onward ho!

mind f’ed singer

due to language, this post is not suitable for children or those with sensitive ears/eyes.

that being said …

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i am seriously fucked in the head. luckily, i’ve been told that we wouldn’t be singers if we weren’t a little screwed up (in the head or otherwise).

i’m sure (unless this is your first time reading me) that you’ve experienced my panic attacks before on this blog, and some of you have been with me when i’ve fallen apart. i usually try to control these moments so they only happen when i’m alone (stupid) or with one person i trust (during voice lessons, or with criss). but lately, they’ve been happening in groups, and a little more often. I freaked out over the organization of the food tables (very ocd) before my sister’s recital (embarrassing). and last night i snapped during opera scenes rehearsal while working on carmen’s card aria in front of some students, my teacher, our accompanist, and greg, who directs many of our shows. that was initially scary as the panic shock through me in waves, but ultimately ironically relaxing and energizing. how fucked is that? but i think the best part was that i didn’t have to pretend to be strong claire virginia, that i could break down, and everyone stood by me, rather than shying away because i’m the freak who has panic attacks (i think i scared a freshman last semester because she chose the wrong day to watch one of my lessons).

this sounds so cliche, but i feel like i’ve been damaged. since i started school as a kid, i’ve always been pushed to do my best, and be the best, and my sick mind took that a step further and developed a perfectionist complex, and since i’m a perfectionist, i’m never good enough, and pretty soon here i am at 23 having broken myself down into a very insecure girl-woman struggling to find confidence in myself. it doesn’t help that for a good part of my childhood, i wasn’t accepted by my peers, and i never really learned how to make friends, so my fucked little head translated this as me having little worth and not being good enough forth world.

but somehow i made it too adulthood pretending that everything was ok, and convincing everyone but myself that i was very confident, and maybe even full of myself. but now I’ve encountered a whole new animal: the scary possibility that yes, maybe claire virginia has a fucking fabulous voice that could one day take her around the world, and it has rocked my foundation. i’m also starting to believe that it’s ok to be broken – my newest doctor told me she thinks i have a panic and anxiety problem, something i was never able to admit. and, for the first time, i’m starting to think i may have an anxiety disorder with a side of depression, something that i never would allow myself to have because as much as i wanted to stand out, be unique, and own my weirdness, part of me still wanted to be normal. but the good news is, as much as finding my voice has made me vulnerable, it’s going to make me whole.

as much as my fucked up mind tries to distract me, sometimes i know there are people who believe in me. one day, i’ll believe in myself. for now, my voice will have to do the believing for me.

if you’re a mind-fucked singer, i want to hear about it. comment below or use hashtag #mindfuckedsinger on twitter.

hugs to all,

claire virginia

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