faith in the human race

as the election nears, it’s important for us supporters of gay marriage and human rights to make our push for a “no” vote on proposition 8 (for non-california residents, prop 8 is a constiutional ban on gay marriage). a few friends and i made this effort today, by standing on the corner of ralston and el camino in belmont holding our “no on prop 8″ signs. overall, it went very well. there was definitely an overwhelming support for our efforts – lots of people honked, waves, gave us thumbs up, and danced in their cars for us. some even whipped out their own signs and waved them to us. we had a few thumbs down, head shakes, scowls, and people displaying “yes on 8″, but they are entitled to their opinion, so we usually just yelled to them that we still loved them anyway. i met up with denise and elana a little after noon, and then another of their friends showed up later, so between the four of us, we represented straight, gay, and bisexual people. later, two ladies showed up and asked if they could protest with us – they had been standing on street corners in redwood city. it’s always good to meet new people.

the amount of love throughout the afternoon made me feel so fuzzy inside, and restored my faith in the human race. there really are so many things screwed up in our world, but the amount of good people out there often gets overshadowed by all the negative. one car rolled down their window and handed us a bag of candy for us to enjoy while we stood in the rain. another car stopped and did this as well. we had one lady who honked her horn in rhythm and danced in her car for a couple of minutes, while we all danced on the corner. the award for kind lady definitely goes to the woman who parked her car, walked over to us, and gave us all starbucks cards ($5 each) so we could get coffee and warm up. how cool is that? she took time out of her day to go to starbucks (there’s one right across the street from where we were), buy the cards, and then come to us. so sweet. so after standing in the rain for three hours we got coffee and warmed up, and drenched starbucks’ floor (we pretty much got soacked through – the rain started with a drizzle at noon, and progressed to a much heavier amount as the afternoon went on).

more happy stories. i went to karaoke for the first time last night, and it was a blast! karaoke is such a good bonding moment. people really don’t care if you suck – we all just sing and have a good time rockin out. met lots of wonderful people, and i can’t wait to see them again. i brought down the house with “bohemian rhapsody” – the whole place was singing and/or dancing. so, this must become a regular pasttime for me.

those of you who have read my blog in the past will know that i wrote about my telephone calling phobia. well, i made a step in the right direction a few days ago. for my newswriting class, i have have to write an article about a proposition on the upcoming ballot. this involves calling people and interviewing them. i was so nervous about it, and this cloud of dread was hanging over me, but i called the yes on 1A office the other day, and it went really well. i immediately calmed down as soon as i heard the guy’s voice. such a friendly voice. he was really kind about the whole thing and had good anwers for all my questions. he seemed like a patient guy. one step closer to getting over my fear!

now i just want to sleep. got back at 2:30 this morning, and then talked to my boyfriend on the phone for an hour. in general, life is good. i have a recital coming up in a couple of weeks. i am so excited! lots of love to all of you.

*big hug*

a picture:

photo taken by sean pruitt.

phone phobia

*gasp* two entries in one day?! it’s miraculous. i had to make this quick (at least, i’m intending it to be quick – knowing me, it may not be) entry after a youtube user commented on a video i made a couple of months ago. at the time, there was a video chain on youtube, in which a user would be tagged, and then would make a video discussing five things about himself. i was eventually tagged, and made the following video:

in the video, one of the facts i revealed about myself is that i am afraid of phones. more specifically, i am afraid of talking on the phone. i fear receiving calls from people i don’t know, and in many cases even from people i do know. i fear making the same calls even more. the only people who do not cause me anxiety EVER when making a call are my mom and boyfriend, followed by my dad and my sister. outside of them, i experience varying levels of anxiety when interacting with individuals on the phone. i just figured i was silly, but the person who commented on my video cited a definition provided on a website, and when i searched “phone phobia” i found the site he used, as well as other cites with people discussing their own phone phobias. i do not completely fit the description of a person experiencing phone phobia, so i will say that i have a mild case, but it does impair me in my everyday life, especially in business related matters. i was somewhat surprised to see that there are even websites offering solutions to this phobia, such as hypnosis (although, why should i be surprised? there are so many companies out there trying to capitalize on every single little problem imaginable).

i don’t know how much to trust this website, but even though it may not be an authoritative source, i am convinced that phone phobia is a real problem, and most likely can be defined as follows (from wiki.hypertwins.org):

Phone-phobia (alternate keywords: phonephobia, telephobia), is a psychological condition in which one experiences extreme fear or avoidance of using the telephone. The fear may be more intense with regard to either making or receiving phone calls; in the latter case, it can intensify to the point where the phone-phobic is afraid even to listen to voice-mail (answering machine) messages.

The website poses the following as possible reasons for the phobia: fear of confrontation, fear of ridicule, fear of miscommunication (being misunderstood, misunderstanding the other person, forgetting what you wanted to convey, and forgetting what was said), and fear of irreversibly prejudicing someone based on the sound of their voice. From what I can tell, my fear of talking on the phone stems mostly from the first two, and somewhat from the third. I’ve found that my fear occurs most often when having to speak with a business or organization. When I am asked my my parents to call someone, I often will suddenly get hot, feel extremely claustrophobic and uncomfortable, am overcome with a feeling of dread/doom, and if the request persists I usually get upset, usually through crying for no reason, and often uncontrollably. I even avoid making simple phone calls like ordering pizza, and will often pass that job on to someone else if possible. My mom is afraid that I won’t call the hospital if I am experiencing a serious medical emergency.

I don’t really have a reason for why I am so afraid of the phone. Seeing the phone itself does not cause me anxiety; the potential situation of having to talk on it does. I have been this way ever since I was a kid. I think it is a trait that has carried over from the days when I was extremely shy (something most people won’t believe, as I am usually very loud and extroverted). I have been known to even be afraid of calling my own grandparents at times, and other extended family members, even some of my own friends.

This is something that has been in my mind recently because the use of the phone is becoming more of a need in my life, due to my career path. As a singer, I need to start networking, and much of this has to be done by calling churches and other organizations to get jobs. I have the numbers written down, I just can’t bring myself to call them. I’m trying to come up with every alternative in my mind, but I know that ultimately the phone calls will have to be made. I’ve gotten by with email for the past few years for most of my personal and work related communications, but so many people rely on the telephone. I am also pursuing a minor in Communications at my college, and will be doing Communications work there as well. This will also require phone calls, but I am not worried about that so much – I’m starting to get used to making phone calls on behalf of someone else in a work environment. However, the music networking calls are definitely going to be an issue that I’m going to have to sort out.

that’s all on that subject for now, but please contribute your thoughts.

two things before i finish this – first, this definitely was not a quick blog, and second, notice how i started out in my usual all-lowercase style, then morphed into professional typing, and now i am back again in my lowercase style. tsk tsk.