something phenomenal happened a couple of weeks ago. i opened my eyes and realized that i’m an opera singer.
seems pretty basic, i know. but my identity as a singer is something i’ve struggled with majorly since i decided to study music in college, and even more so in the last couple of years as i’ve tried not only to convince the general public but also myself that i have the chops to be an amazing performer. so until that moment a couple of weeks ago, i couldn’t honestly say, “i’m an opera singer.” i didn’t believe it. i didn’t own it. instead, i just floundered in self-doubt and tears of rage and confusion.
i’m not quite sure what happened, but i found a moment of serenity that allowed me to push aside any past doubts and realize that, shit, my voice is coming out. and it’s wicked fucking beautiful. it has depth and richness and maturity, and it’s gorgeous. and since then, even on days i’ve struggled to let the right sounds free, i haven’t been discouraged. i’ve just accepted that there are going to be those days, but those days don’t undermine my value as a singer, or as a person. that’s a lesson i learned a couple of years ago, but a truth i didn’t believe until now.
do you know how brilliant that is? it lets me be free. i don’t have to suffer my own oppression. now i can continue to grow and blossom without having to stop and worry over things that don’t matter. i can just sing. because i am an opera singer. here i come.